NOTE TO SELF DO NOT PUBLISH YET The Revision - Apple iPhone4 Announcement

OPERATION SCOOP NOTE TO SELF LEAVE IN DRAFT MODE UNTIL ALL EDITS HAVE BEEN MADE!!! VERY IMPORTANT!!!

Well, it's official. In the long-awaited press conference today, "The Revision,"

Steve Jobs announced that
Tim Cook announced that
Jerry Seinfeld announced that
John Sculley announced that

there is no problem with the iPhone4.
"We goofed."
Apple will discount the antenna-protecting bumpers to 99 cents.
Apple will give the antenna-protecting bumpers away for free.
REACT has raided the homes of everyone at the press conference to located leaked information.
Verizon is now the exclusive iPhone provider in the United States.
Apple is releasing the iPhone5, which corrects the problem. Existing users can upgrade for free $99 $199.
Apple is recalling all iPhone4s.
Steve Jobs was eaten by wolves, just like Gerald Ford was.