Worthless e-mail solicitation of the day

I - and you - could probably make "Worthless e-mail solicitation of the day" into a daily feature, based upon all of the cold call e-mails that we get that pretend to be personal, but instead betray the fact that the solicitor has no idea who he/she has contacted.

I'm going to pick on two things in this particular solicitation.

I did research on your website...

While I praise Samantha for saying that she did research on my website, I have the sneaking suspicion that she didn't. You see, she sent it to the e-mail address for my former employer - the one that sold the division off almost a month ago. While my former employer is being nice enough to forward my e-mails for a while, the former employer's website very clearly states that my division is now owned by another company. So I don't think she learned a lot there.

Please send me your Contact details and Target criteria...

This is a legitimate question - except for the fact that Samantha neglected to send me any contact details for herself. Sure I know her first name, her last name, and her e-mail address, but she didn't provide me with her telephone number, her own address, or even the name of her company.

This is especially ironic, inasmuch as she represents herself as an expert in E-mail marketing, and wants to have a quick call with me.

Oh, and the "Contact details and Target criteria" (what's with the noun capitalization? Is she German?) that she wanted were "Industry Vertical," "Job Title," "Revenue Size," and "Geography."

Perhaps I should send her the details for Empoprises, rather than the details for my employer. I know that this is highly prized information, but I am about to answer Samantha's four questions for Empoprises:

Business, Inland Empire, Music, NTN Buzztime

I'm the CTO and the CEO and the Chairman and the head janitor!

What's that?

If the space station gets Internet, then I guess my geography is extraterrestrial.

So let's see Samantha design an e-mail - whoops, I mean an E-mail - campaign around that highly prized information. Now what's her phone number?

(E-mail trashed without responding.)